The view from the afternoon

You know, dear?

I think it's impossible, when starting a list of our most significative memories, to think at any other but the moment which is more similar to this one we are going trough (i will keep saying "we" until you give me a clear evidence that you're not there anymore, at the other side).

As you might guess i talk about the first time we got apart from each other, on that time, under each one's own will ... or at least we wanted to think it so.

I dare say that what hurts me the most when remembering it, is that with my silly behaviour i got to break the promise i did to you just a couple days before... "i will ALWAYS be here".
I seemed a lior saying that, when i remember it, but it was what i was really thinking...

And you, someone able to accept any attitude, possitive or negative from mine... until...

... until not knowing the truth of your feelings ( Subhanallah, you were a really different person from who i met after this break-up!), I was so imprudent as to talk to you about someone else, someone dear, but not that much, you should have known it before, I actually apologise about it.

I dont remember the exact words, but what happened there was... apocalyptic!
It had to be,if i remember everything happening between us and i have forgotten that... seems like i can't follow up if i do, so I better dont do any effort.

Would be too simplist to say that the night after I couldn't sleep,but I have to. I think that i started really loving you that much from the right moment I saw you were getting away...
Holy medicine! You really made me wake up! Such things, inside me, were so clear... and I couldn't see them! How stupid can we human beings be.

You were not that clear about what YOU have felt on its moment, so it still does remain as a mistery for me, until I can further ask you. What I can say here is what happened from my side.

Those messages! Those we exchanged some days after... Oh dear, it was predicteable an offensive message from yours, but i never expected my words replying to it were received by you the way you said you did! You talked about a torture, well ... you well said, you wanted to torture me but you were doing that to yourself, because I never had such intention.

(continues at... sometime)

2+2=5

I will call her Vesna, first,because she choose that name at sometime, not so long ago, and also because, from the names that could be given to her, this one is the less obvious.
It's evident that I'm talking about someone in particular, someone UNIQUE, but whose existence is irrelevant for those been out of her daily movements' sphere ... but to me between them, of course.

I am the only fortunate one who has seen her shining from far away, where i am actually, from my joyful and taste-less loneliness ( consider "taste-less" as a neutral concept, as i think that what doesnt taste good should not, by force, taste necesarily bad).

For about one a year i have been illuminated by her bright, and left her light fill into me and feed me internally and externally on a very special way of "photosynthesis". How worth are those moment,how precious was every one of her words to me at its moment, and now, that i see the amount of the treasure i have kept, no one knows it, as no one sees how my heart gets everytime more and more dry, thirsty of such refreshing company as her's ... no one hears it, while it's calling loud at her...

that's what I write for, I can't miss her anymore in silence, may everyone know my truth, may everyone see every tear falling ... may my sad words, my pain because of her absence, as much as my deep thanks for choosing me as her heart's owner ( my most valious conquest, with the much it costed me to hold it!) get sometime to her.

"Foreigner, go and tell her, that I'm laying here in cumpliment of her will".

My saddest elegy, tonight, is for you, my inmortal Vesna.